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[May. 13th, 2010|07:50 pm] |
( Private )
I woke up this morning feeling SO much better. What was I thinking getting all crazy upset over a guy? I swear, some of the things I said sounded so much like Veronica. It's disgusting.
So I really need to go out and get wasted tonight getting laid would be nice too. Anyone want to go? The boring need not apply. |
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[May. 3rd, 2010|07:33 am] |
All this talk of pets, real or video game, reminds me of Molly. I didn't really appreciate her then, she annoyed the hell out of me at times. Especially when she fell asleep on my favorite clothes. But in hindsight, I kind of miss her. Not like Duncan did. He loved her more than anyone else in the house did. When mom and dad told us she ran away, Duncan was devastated. I don't know now if it was because he actually believed the story and that the dog would leave him or if he knew the truth and was so upset because our parents didn't even tell the truth. I swear, she was like, his best friend back then. He'd talk to her about everything. It wasn't until she was gone that he really started to... rely on me.
I think I actually liked that. Duncan was important to me, even though I never actually told him that. I'm pretty sure he knew regardless. I was the only one who would actually listen about his... problem. I would listen when he talked endlessly about Veronica, even if my brother dating my best friend made me a little sick. Especially how they acted together. They were one of those annoyingly cute couples. You know the kind, couldn't keep their hands off each other, people would make audible sounds as they walked through the halls. Then we find out she's our sister. Gross. I didn't appreciate what they had then, but I actually kinda do now.
I actually sort of wish they could all be here now. I might even tell Duncan how important he is to me. And Veronica. I think I'd be a hell of a lot nicer to her than I was back then. Logan... I don't know. I'm not sure if I could apologize to him, but maybe I could make things right in some way. Do good things to counter all the bad I've done. Sort of like what I'd like to do for Mokuba, but that situation is still so weird. |
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[Apr. 18th, 2010|11:11 pm] |
( Private )
I have way too much time on my hands.
I found my old Neptune High pep squad uniform. I tried it on to see if it still fit. Of course it would. I wore it less than a year ago. Late September, actually. Only days before the carwash. Only days before I was sent here. My Harmony High uniform was made to the same specifications as that one and it still fits.
But even if it fit, it didn't fit. Looking in the mirror as I wore the uniform, I didn't look the same. The Lilly Kane of Neptune had blonde hair and that girl doesn't exist anymore. Too much has happened, too much has changed. I'm not even the same girl who first wore the Harmony uniform, but I'm the same girl who wore it last. Just a different color of hair. I really need to figure out who this new girl is, because I find the more that I think of it, the more I don't know her at all.
( Private to Shizuka )
( Private to Jennifer )
( Private to Mokuba ) |
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[Apr. 15th, 2010|11:18 pm] |
( Private )
Show up at school with your ankle wrapped and a slight limp and people don't stop asking you questions.
For those who didn't pester me today, yes, I did hurt myself. More specifically, I sprained my ankle yesterday.
Now you all know.
I will be going to school, I won't be cheering until it's healed.
Someone to help me carry my books to my classes might be nice.
Aside from that, while sitting on my bed with nothing to do, I was going through the keepsakes box I made when packing my things to come here. There's at least one thing from every person who ever mattered to me.
I picked up the 'I got baked in Ensonada' shot glass Logan had left in my car the day my parents announced I was being sent away. He had left a letter in it but I never felt the need to actually read it. I was kinda pissed at him at the time, and rightfully so.
I read over the letter, and I had to say it honestly surprised me. It wasn't an apology for cheating on me and a desperate attempt to get me back. He apologized, yes. Well, in his own way. You know, when you know someone so well you can just tell what they mean? But he told me the whole reason he had left Tijuana to give me the shot glass was to get me back, but while watching me at the car wash, he realized then that it was over. He actually said he noticed I was happier without him.
Is it really that easy to just look at someone and tell that it's over? And if so, how can you really tell?
( Private to Mokuba ) |
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[Apr. 10th, 2010|11:17 pm] |
( Private )
There's something to be said about being separated from your siblings. Duncan and I may not have always been the closest, I even found him downright annoying at times. It's the right as the older sister, after all. He even made stupid decisions about relationships not really stupid considering that Veronica is? might be? our sister. But I would kill for a chance to hear his advice right now. At least he knew how to keep a stable one going. For a little while, at least.
I actually got used to being here. I made great friends, started dating a really good guy. Now... I don't know. I really miss Duncan and Veronica and Logan. I just wish I could talk to them, know that they're doing okay without me. |
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[Apr. 5th, 2010|08:52 pm] |
( Private )
I don't know if any of you have heard, but Mokuba died last night.
That's why I wasn't at school today actually it was the sunlight, but it's a good excuse. I couldn't handle walking through the halls, knowing he will never walk through them again.
I suppose the bright side is that I never got to tell him why we broke up, so at least he died not hating me, right?
I feel like I need to get away somewhere, but if I go anywhere it has to be at night. The night is more depressing and it's fitting to how I feel.
( Private to Shizuka ) |
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[Apr. 4th, 2010|08:52 pm] |
I hope everyone had a happy Easter, or happier than mine, at least. This is the first holiday in a while I've been single. Mine was spent with my parents, which wasn't too bad. Ever since, well... you know... I think we've reached a sort of an understanding. I'm less selfish and they lay off me a little more. It's actually kinda working.
I'm going to meet with Mokuba tonight and tell him about what happened before he went to the hospital, so I would like to kindly ask that no one tell him before I get the chance. I sort of feel like it should come from me now that I know about it. |
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[Mar. 26th, 2010|01:08 am] |
So I swore I wouldn't involve myself in this madness but that's before I heard something completely and utterly insane. About myself.
Will someone please confirm for me that Jennifer Check and I have never been friends? Because honestly. I wouldn't associate with someone like her more than necessary. |
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[Mar. 19th, 2010|09:46 pm] |
Yes, I will admit that I'm glad the kidnapper was put in jail, but it seems that most of the people rejoicing about this fact are the people who didn't go through it. I'm not going to discount what you went through missing your loved ones and wondering if they were okay. I didn't have to go through that and in a way I almost feel blessed for it.
But just because he's in jail, it doesn't really make everything better. It feels like people expect it to. Knowing what I went through, I'm really glad no one else will have to go through that. I'm glad that my sister, my friends and my boyfriend are out of danger. I'm glad that people I don't even know are safe now. But it doesn't change what happened. I still remember parts of what I went through, I still have injuries from it and I still cry... a lot. What happened to me and the others isn't just going to go away.
That being said, you may have noticed I've not been at school since my last trip to the hospital. Jennifer pointed that out this morning. I know that as it is, I've missed a lot of school lately but I can't make myself go right now. I can't let people see me like this. Maybe one day I'll be able to return.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not in any danger of not passing. I'm getting all of my assignments and I'm having them taken to the school to be turned in when I finish them. I'll admit it's a little harder without the teacher there, but it's easier on me to not be there.
That was far more open than I ever wanted to be, but I felt like it had to be said.
( Private to Mokuba )
( Private to Zelda )
((I would just like to add a note here that this is the first time Lilly has referenced, publicly, having a sister. Unfortunately it will also be one of the last times seeing as she's losing that supplant next month :( but while most people won't notice it, those closer to her probably will.)) |
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[Mar. 12th, 2010|09:24 am] |
( Private )
I'm feeling much worse better today, but I think I'm going to stay home from school today to collect my thoughts.
( Private to Mokuba ) |
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[Mar. 11th, 2010|10:31 am] |
( Private to Mokuba )
So I'm going to the hospital and I'm going during school, so I won't be there. I'm not sure how long they're going to want me to stay there, so I thought I would let you guys know that I haven't been kidnapped again or anything. Hopefully when all of this is said and done I'll actually care that I kept people from worrying. |
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[Mar. 7th, 2010|09:19 pm] |
( Private )
I have a new philosophy in life: I don't care.
I was kidnapped and tortured, but I don't care.
I was poisoned and electrocuted and I could have died. I don't care.
My parents almost died. I don't care.
People were actually worried about me. I really can't find myself caring.
...And all of that really kinda scares me.
Oh, right. And I woke up with a killer headache. Not just the left side this time. The right side hurt as well. Does that mean they're getting worse? I don't know, but it's the only thing I've felt all day. |
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[Mar. 5th, 2010|08:09 pm] |
( Private )
I'm out of the hospital, but I'm not really up for visitors. I'm still rather tired and freaking out and basically just need some time alone for a change. I didn't get much of that at the hospital. Not that I minded the constant company not entirely, anyway.
I also don't want to talk about what happened. I know that some of you think I should but you didn't live through it, you don't know what it was like, and really it's not something I want to continue reliving. Not to mention I can't really say I remember much of it anyway.
Thank you to those who visited me in the hospital, it was good to see you.
Lisa, I'm fine, don't worry about me, please. I'll call you later. I just really need to spend some time with my parents right now.
( Private to Light )
( Private to Jack )
( Private to Mokuba ) |
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[Feb. 28th, 2010|02:00 pm] |
Why does it always seem that the weekends go by so incredibly fast? This has, of course, been a question for the ages, but it's my turn to lament over it. It's not that I hate going to school. Sitting in classrooms aren't my favorite thing to do, I more enjoy the social aspects of school. I'm just really not in a mood to go back to sitting in several classes a day listening to lectures and doing homework.
Someone spare me.
Jennifer and I are going out tonight, so I may be unreachable. It depends on how much fun we're having.
In other news, I guess it seems that a student from the school is missing. I don't know him very well that's not a lie, really. I've seen him around school and on the network... before, you know, he stopped showing up. I do hope he's okay, though. Him and the other two missing people. I can't say I've been acquainted with any of them, really. |
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[Feb. 23rd, 2010|06:51 pm] |
( Private )
( Private to Lisa )
( Private to Zelda )
There have been a lot of disappearing people lately, huh? It seems a little strange that people would start disappearing with no explanation, but maybe they just went on vacation or something? Without telling their loved ones?
In other news, I'm starting to feel a little better. That's not to say all of my problems are gone especially since people are disappearing on top of everything else, but I think they're getting better. I just wanted to give a big thank you to everyone whose shown support.
Jennifer, I'm bored. Let's do something.
( Private to Mokuba ) |
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[Feb. 15th, 2010|09:57 pm] |
I haven't had a good complaint about my parents, so I suppose it's about time.
I was honestly starting to wonder if I was going to get anything for Valentine's Day. It'd be a lie to say I wasn't expecting anything, as much as I'd like to be humble and say that it doesn't matter... I've never been that way. So when Valentine's came and went and the only thing I got was from my best friend, I might have been a little disappointed
But today, I came across a box, just sitting in the family room addressed to me and I came to find out that it got here Friday. So Mokuba, if I was a little distant with you today, I apologize.
( Private )
( Private to Mokuba )
( Private to Lisa ) |
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[Feb. 12th, 2010|06:26 pm] |
( Private )
( Private to Mokuba )
I've only been back at school a few days and I'm not really sure what to say about it. For once in my life, I find cheerleading terrifying and boring, but if Jennifer ever found that out, she'd have my hide. I still enjoy it and all, but stunts are... more complicated for me now.
Other than that, I don't think there's really much to say. Back at school, check. Back at cheerleading, check. Attracted to someone who isn't Mokuba, check.
I would really like my life to go back to less complicated now. Thank you. |
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[Jan. 26th, 2010|11:46 pm] |
( Private )
Those of you I go to school with have probably noticed I haven't been around and now you know why. I'm not really sure when I'm going back to school. My parents have confined to the house for now and I have confined myself to my bedroom to stay away from them. They keep giving me worried looks. It's creepy.
Anyway, for those of you who think I might want to talk about it, the answer is no. I have nothing to say on the subject. I'd really rather just forget it ever happened.
( Private to Mokuba ) |
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[Jan. 22nd, 2010|08:42 pm] |
I got my test results in. I guess the holidays slowed them down or something. It's a good thing I'm not dying or anything. As far as I know, I'm not anyway. They still can't find anything, but they don't know of any other tests they can try so they just gave me more pain relievers and told me to come back if it gets worse. At least the pain relievers work most of the time.
The doctors told me that cheerleading might not be such a good idea if I'm getting headaches. They think it could be caused by the jumping and yelling. Like I would ever give up cheerleading. I don't care what the doctors say. |
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[Dec. 13th, 2009|08:29 pm] |
I'm not really looking forward to Christmas, but those who know me know this is really nothing new. That's because nothing new ever happens. It's the same thing every year. My parents invite a bunch of people over for Christmas dinner, then when everyone has gone they shower me with expensive gifts and focus all of their attention on me. Some people might think this is a good thing, but trust me--as someone who has lived with it for seventeen years, it's not. Really.
( Private to Mokuba ) |
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[Nov. 30th, 2009|09:28 pm] |
( Private )
My Thanksgiving was rather uneventful. Since mom invited Lisa over, she didn't have the usual holiday dinner crowd. Lisa didn't come, of course, which just made dinner me, mom and dad. I hated it for the simple fact that I had to spend the entire evening with my parents. I would have preferred going to Mokuba's for dinner but my mom has a tight hold on me for holidays. I'm pretty sure that even after I graduate she'll be sure I show up for every one of them.
I went to the doctor that day too. The doctors can't find anything wrong with me. I suppose that's a good thing, though I figured there would be some way to explain the headaches and the memory loss. They did say the left side of my head looked as though it had been hit really hard with something before and asked if I could recall anything that might have caused it. Of course I don't, which made them wonder if I've lost any other blocks of time in my life and they're doing tests. Great. In the meantime, they gave me pain relievers and told me to 'take it easy.'
I went shopping Friday morning, probably not what the doctor meant by taking it easy, but I always found shopping to be therapeutic and watching idiots fight over things was actually sort of fun.
My weekend was incredible. That was more taking it easy, I suppose. Mokuba and I went away for the weekend and it was nice to be alone with him without the stress of my parents being nearby or even having to worry about cheerleading or what I did in that week that I forgot. Mokuba was incredibly sweet too.
It was just... nice.
I feel a lot better, so if anyone noticed me being annoyingly cheerful at school today, now you know why.
( Private to Jennifer )
( Private to Mokuba ) |
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[Nov. 26th, 2009|09:51 am] |
Thanksgiving. The one day I can't get away from my parents no matter how hard I try.
My saving grace is that I'm going to the doctor to get these headaches checked out. And the damn tests Jennifer suggested.
( Private to Jennifer )
( Private to Lisa ) |
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[Nov. 23rd, 2009|06:48 pm] |
I've gone the past several days feeling like I lost a chunk of time. Actually, I know I have. I wrote down the wrong date in one of my classes last week and the teacher pointed it out but I could have sworn it was right. Has anyone else had this problem lately?
( Private )
( Private to Mokuba )
(Added in a few, maybe ten or so minutes later)
( Private to Lisa )
((I would have ideally liked to have posted this at the end of last week or over the weekend, but work is evil.)) |
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[Nov. 11th, 2009|05:57 pm] |
( Private )
( Private to Mokuba )
I thought there was a way to make this end, but now I'm not so sure. |
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[Nov. 9th, 2009|06:41 pm] |
( Private )
Why do parents feel the need to torture us? I'm stuck at home tonight but I'm too restless and would much prefer to be elsewhere. My boyfriend's house, for example. |
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[Nov. 4th, 2009|01:22 pm] |
I've been getting those headaches again. I'll be cheering my head off at practice every day, then I have to go home and pop half a bottle of advil. The pain never goes away, though. It's in a weird place too, it's not in front of my head it's the whole side of my head, even my face hurts.
Does anyone else get weird headaches like that? |
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